


far from what we know

by hanjisungsslut



Series: Nightlife [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, changbin is like let the fucker drown, felix be like: vibes, felix cares so much about minho, it’s the self-loathing babie, lowercase as usual i cant be bothered, no angst i’m not a monster, set after rttl, spoiler alert: they’re gonna fall in love, the ending seems open/sad but it’s not, writing style? you mean gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21911941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanjisungsslut/pseuds/hanjisungsslut
Summary: Lee Minho and Han Jisung are gone.When his best friend vanished in the middle of the night with the town bad boy, Lee Felix finds it hard to believe. In an effort to find his friend and ensure his safety, Felix enlists the help of the only person with any connections to the situation, Seo Changbin.But he may get more than he bargained for.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Series: Nightlife [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1578256
Comments: 17
Kudos: 226





	far from what we know

**Author's Note:**

> Hi please read the first work in this series before this one or it won’t really make sense!
> 
> Note: This fic has been updated from its previous version. Changes have been made in light of recent information.

lee minho and han jisung were gone. 

they had taken off in the night, with probably nothing more than a few dollars in their pockets and a duffle bag or two with clothes and essentials. neither of them had a car, they had more than likely caught the late train to the next town and waited for the next one there, but nothing could be known for sure. lee minho and han jisung had gone, disappeared, and they had done it without a word to anyone.

it was the biggest scandal to hit in years. it wasn’t often a town like theirs had runaways, or even anything worse than high school rebels at all in fact. everyone was talking, and all they could whisper about was how lee minho had ruined his life by running off with that boy and how han jisung was the antichrist. rumors ran wild, spreading like fire to a dry field. 

it was so hard for everyone to believe minho had done such a thing. frankly, everyone expected worse from jisung, but even the abruptness of his actions were a surprise. the town was utterly obsessed with the mystery that had become han jisung and lee minho. 

they were obsessed with talking about it, but in lee felix’s humble opinion, nobody seemed to give half a damn that two teenagers were running wild and alone in this dangerous world. felix was an exchange student, his program agreeing to allow him to finish out high school away from his home country. he rather liked the town he stayed in, the people were nice and accepting, though awfully competitive and maybe a little boring. no school back home had prided itself on its academic scorings the way this one did.

he fit in well with a small group of students around his age who had been welcoming on his first day. there was hyunjin, smiley and eccentric and though his academics were absolutely stellar, his common sense sometimes appeared to lack a little. there was seungmin, mathletes champion and number one in their grade level, he was quiet and somewhat judgemental, but had a pure heart.

there was jeongin, probably the smartest in their entire school, he was young and naïve but he could outwit their older friend and that was saying something. and finally, there was minho. student body president and the successor of their oldest friend, aaron, as the pride and joy of their town, no one ever doubted that he would do amazing things and bring honor to his name. so they all thought.

felix always knew there was something underlying, something brewing in the back of minho's mind, no matter how hard he attempted to make out like studies were all he ever thought about. felix knee better, he assumed the others did too. felix always knew that in the week before the disappearances, minho was different, he was spacey and smiley and frankly weirder than usual.

at the time, no one thought anything of it. not until wednesday morning, when sheriff knocked on felix’s host parents door and asked if minho had stayed with him that night.  _ that  _ was never good. at lunch that day, minho's usual swat was empty, and all the table could talk about was why the sheriff had come to all their homes that morning. 

“i’m telling you,” hyunjin said as he bit off part of a carrot, “this isn’t minho’s doing. when has he ever gone out at night? he’s in bed before 8 almost every night!” the brunet shook his head, eyes wide and wild.

“not to assume anything, but i’d bet the han kid has something to do with it.” seungmin butted in. he was sitting beside hyunjin, carefully scraping his carrots onto the other’s plate without touching them. 

jeongin looked confused as he watched the action. “han? what does han have to do with anything?” he stole a carrot from hyunjins plate. 

“oh, don’t you know? han’s missing too.” hyunjin replied. it was an innocent statement but the phrasing made a feeling of dread pool in felix’s stomach. 

“can we not use the word “missing” just yet? i mean, come on guys, it’s been a few hours at most. no need to throw around words without knowing the truth yet.” the blond was rather uneasy with the words sitting heavy on his ears. hyunjin quickly nodded, eyes sympathetic. “of course. sorry.”

“how do you know han is… in the same situation?” jeongin changed the subject back quickly, not wanting to unnerve felix anymore. hyunjins eyes danced at the question, always excited to inform others. “i heard the principle talking about it this morning. he said that when minho's parents called the police to report him missing, they mentioned how he had gone off to meet the han boy and didn’t come back.” 

jeongin’s eyes bulged out of his head. “you mean the last person he was with was  _ han _ ? who knows what could’ve happened with that twat! i always said he had something personal against minho for all those citations, i called it from the start.” 

seungmin shook his head, brown curls following the movement. “minho was actually kind of—friends? i guess you could them that—with the han boy. they hung out a lot after lunch.” 

this seemed to be entirely new information to jeongin, whose eyes would’ve gotten even bigger if they could’ve. “minho?! our minho? like the dark-haired, dark-eyed, “i will eat your soul” expression, minho?  _ he  _ was friends with  _ han? _ they’re total opposites, what business does he have hanging around with him?”

felix almost laughed at the younger’s expression, though he could deny how right he was. minho's friendship with the han kid was almost as much of a mystery as minho was. he shook his head, taking a sip of his drink. “whatever it was, do you think that, wherever they are, they’re... together?” felix asked cautiously.

hyunjin shrugged, picking at his carrots again. “i never thought i would say this, but i hope so. this isn’t in character for minho at all, it’s safer if he’s with someone.” 

seungmin rolled his eyes. “yeah, someone with sense. han doesn’t have a single senseable bone in his body, minho is better off doing whatever it is he’s doing alone than with him.” he bit off the end of a carrot rather harshly, only to spit it into a napkin moments later. seungmin hated carrots. 

the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch and the four boys packed up their bags and went on their separate ways, though felix could still hear hyunjin going absolutely wild with theories as he talked seungmin’s ear. felix didn’t know how earth he did it, keeping up with that kid was a chore, but seungmin didn’t seem to mind one bit. 

class went by painfully slow, the clock ticks matching the rhythm of felix’s pencil tapping against the desk as he waited for the bell. felix was good at biology, he was amazing at it actually, but god did he hate it. it all made sense in theory, but felix always had to study extra long and hard in order to make the grades he did.

the bell rang, releasing felix from the chokehold that was biology class and he all but flew out of the classroom, holding his book to his chest. on his way to his locker, he was stopped by the sight of minho’s parents in the dean's office. 

“none of his friends have heard from him, no one knows where he is and i would bet my life on the fact that this is all that devil child’s doing.” minho's father was all but shouting at the dean. the police stood just outside the door, butting in here and there to supply a comment or suggestion. felix’s stomach turned yet again, he didn’t like what it meant. 

caught up in the sight of panic, he hadn’t even realized when someone knocked into him, almost sending him to the floor. “sorry!” he yelled after the person when he came to his senses. a figure dressed in all black simply kept walking, not even sparing felix a glance. he quickly brushed off, collecting his books and rushing to his next class, consumed for the next few hours by the words mr. lee has been spewing.

+++

there were missing posters now.

it was only friday, three days since the boys had disappeared and the school was already posting missing posters. the posters did nothing but solidify felix’s fears, that minho had really and truly disappeared.

he had already been questioned by the police, as had the rest of their friends. sometime in the last few days, seungmin had slipped into a weird silence, coming to terms with the severity of the situation on his own. hyunjin, however, had never been louder. 

he was ever so vocal about his suspicions regarding the han boy. at this point, everyone knew of han’s disappearance as well, and a million rumors were flying. 

“i heard they were in a secret relationship”

“i heard han forced him to go, poor minho.”

“i told you that boy wasn’t what he seemed, he was too good.”

felix tried to block out the whispers, he tried so desperately to ignore what was happening around him, but it seemed no matter where he went, the whispers followed. even when the whispers weren’t present, hyunjin was. not even jeongin’s expert skills at changing the subject could drive attention away from the fact that hyunjin was full-on conspiracizing. 

“maybe han worked with the mafia. it would explain how he never got expelled no matter what he did.” hyunjin was saying that afternoon as they gathered their things from their lockers. jeongin shook his head, clearly having heard the entire theory before it reached the others ears.

seungmin on the other hand just sighed. “he never got expelled because he didn’t ever do anything  _ that  _ drastic.” he mumbled. felix joined the other three, swinging his bag over his shoulder with a grunt. hyunjin just kept talking, going on wildly for the next few minutes about his theories of what han could’ve been into.

“that’s where i’m stopping you, there’s no way in hell han was a secret agent for the government.” jeongin butted in, purposefully letting go of the door too soon and allowing it to slam in hyunjins face. “it’s a completely plausible theory.” the older insisted.

seungmin even shook his head at that, but he gave nothing more than a side-eye and a tongue click. hyunjin was clearly expecting a more enthusiastic reaction from the latter, giving a little whine at his lack of a reaction. “i’d bet anything on it. han was into something, and i’d bet his friend is too.”

jeongin perked up a little at the mention of a friend. “han had friends?” his voice conveyed every ounce of shock. hyunjin grinned, nodding excitedly like a little animal. “one that i know of. you know, the emo boy from geometry? the one who wears all black and has his earbuds in the entire hour.” 

jeongin thought for a moment before nodding, his eyes wide. “changbin right? i think that’s his name, or close to it. i didn’t know he was friends with han.” hyunjins smile grew even bigger. “maybe he’s a spy too. you never know with the troublemakers.”

felix had tuned out long ago, focused on getting home and finally getting some peace and quiet, but he couldn’t help but overhear as his friends rattled on about the emo boy in fourth hour. changbin. he had heard the name before, though he wasn’t sure from where. he had a vague idea of what the boy looked like, though he had to admit he had never seen him with han before either. 

the name rested on his ears for the rest of the night, easily forgotten when felix banged open the door to his home and excused himself to bed for the rest of the night. all the theories about han, the ones about minho, even the ones about government officials and interferences; it all could’ve been true. underneath every rumor, every theory and every assumption, one question remained unanswered; where in the world did han and minho go?

+++

despite felix’s attempts to ignore the situation, it seemed no matter where he went or what he did, there were constant reminders of what had happened. he had decided to try spending lunch alone for a little while, lay low until someone came up with something. of course, that plan was quickly foiled because that following tuesday, all hell broke loose.

“WHERE DID THAT HEATHEN TAKE MY SON?”

minho's father had showed up on campus, face red and smoke practically falling out of his ears. everyone watched in total confusion as he stormed through the halls, the dean hot on his heels and yelling at the man to stop his pursuit. he did stop, but only when he was standing directly in front of a kid in all black. he was familiar though felix couldn’t figure out how he knew him.

the boy stared up at minho's father, not flinching one bit at the volume or tone of his voice, though felix did enough flinching for him. the boy looked mr. lee up and down before smirking and stalking off. the man tried to chase after him, but the dean stopped him with an arm to his shoulder. “you cannot harass students, mr. lee! we understand your frustrations but that boy is still a minor!”

felix watched the boys retreating back and suddenly it dawned on him. the boy who had knocked him down in the hall the other day, this was the same boy. he was on the shorter side, with dark black hair and clothing to match. though felix couldn’t see most of his face, he could tell it was long and had a pointier chin, but his full cheeks gave away any sort of intimidating aura his appearance exuded. he was like han in that way.

“he knows where my son is!” minho's father protested. his face was beat red by now.

“seo changbin has been cleared by the police already, there’s nothing we can do about it now.” the deans claiming voice fell silent to many ears, and that’s when it clicked. seo changbin. this was the only person in town who knew anything about han jisung. this was the kid with all the answers. 

+++

it had been a week and a half since they had been gone. a week and a half and there were no leads, no witnesses, not even a false call into the police station. there were search parties but they could only go so far. it was starting to set in and even hyunjin couldn’t be bothered to go on about his millions of impossible theories and felix was beginning to think the silence was worse than all the whispers.

missing posters blew up on telephone poles, news channels had interviewed various students, hyunjin being one of them, but over the last few days, everyone seemed to come to terms with the fact that they had found peace in one way or another. everyone but felix.

he was convinced, dead-set on finding answers now and wherever it led him was where he wanted to go. he knew deep down minho was okay, he was too smart not to be, but he had to see it for himself and with no leads of his own, his mind turned to the one person in the town who could help.

it was in between fourth and fifth period, and felix was beginning to rethink his options.  _ no, _ he told himself,  _ this is the only way.  _ and so, he put on his best award-winning smile and fixed his white t-shirt as he made his way over to his target.

“hey, changbin, right?” he said quickly, hands immediately finding his backpack straps to avoid offering his hand. he knew it would get rejected. the boy clad in all black turned around at the mention of his name, eyebrow raised in curiosity. he looked even more beautiful up close to felix.

“depends, who's asking?” he turned back to the locker in front of him, continuing to pick at the dial ever so carefully. felix cleared his throat, suddenly very scratchy and dry in the mouth. “me, obviously.” he tried to keep his cool.

the boy in front of him ceased his movements again, glancing over his shoulder to give felix a once over. “who’s me?” his voice was laced in boredom and maybe irritation. felix couldn’t tell the difference to be honest.

“lee felix, foreign exchange student.” this time, he did extend a hand, “you’re friends with han jisung, right?” 

changbin rolled his eyes, once again refocusing on the lock. he was silent for a good 6 seconds and felix considered re-asking the question when a small grunt and a  _ clang  _ could be heard as the lock fell to the ground. “what’s it to you?” changbin replied as he raked through the belongings of whoever the locker belonged to. 

felix did not understand how changbin could be so nonchalant when his friend was  _ missing _ . “are you aware your friend ran off some nights ago?” felix found himself asking out loud.

changbin scoffed. “it’s jisung. he’ll be back in a few days, and if he’s not, it’s not like the town will miss him.” 

felix was baffled to say the least. how could someone talk about their own friend in such a way? though he assumed changbin had been simply telling the truth. as a whole, the town didn’t seem to care near as much about jisungs disappearance as they did minho’s. everyone seemed to assume jisung had forced the latter. “while that may be true, i’m sure you’re aware that he wasn’t the only one to leave.”

changbin actually looked a bit surprised at this, though the look was quickly replaced with a stoic one instead. “i wasn’t aware, but i’m sure you’re going to enlighten me whether i want you to or not.”

his tone of voice was rather rude though he was right. “you’d be correct. you see, your friend ran off the same night a close friend of mine did as well, they were last known to be together. would you happen to know anything about that?”

“why the hell would i know anything about it? jisung can make it fine on his own, it’s not like he hasn’t been doing it for a year anyway.” changbin seemed done with the conversation, turning to close the locker and walk away but felix blocked his path, stubborn as always. changbin could’ve easily gotten around him, but he didn’t.

“pardon?” felix tried to say as tough as he could. the other boy scoffed, not looking felix in the eye.

“don’t act like you hadn’t figured it out already.” changbin mumbled. 

“i’m afraid i haven’t.” confusion was all felix had figured out.

“jisungs an orphan. he was here in foster care but when they tried to transfer him, he ran away and has been living somewhere nearby for a little while.” the black-clad boy was thorough in his response, tone clipped.

“somewhere nearby? you don’t even know where your own friend lives?” 

“look, jisungs a tough bastard, a stubborn one at that. if anyone could survive on the streets, it’s him. he doesn’t like handouts and if there’s something he doesn’t want you to know, you aren’t gonna know it. look, i don’t know what type of person your friend is or how jisung is connected but i don’t care enough to find out.” changbin did get around felix this time with a huff. he had begun twirling a silver coin in between his fingers.

“well i-“ felix started but couldn’t find any way to form a sentence with that information.

“see you around, lee felix, foreign exchange student.” changbin said with a hint of a smile and he left. 

+++

felix would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought a ridiculous amount about the encounter. he hadn’t gotten any information at all from changbin, other than the fact jisung was homeless; that was new. on every other level, the conversation with changbin had been pointless, why felix decided to seek him out in the first place, felix himself didn’t even know.

still, felix couldn’t help but have his attention drawn but the boy now. though he was a proud thief, rude, somewhat arrogant, and definitely no help at all in finding their friends, felix couldn’t help but think changbin was the key to finding out what happened to minho. and he  _ had  _ to know.

he knew somewhere deep down that this was his weird and very awkward way of coping with the unknowns regarding minho's sudden disappearance, the dreadful feeling that perhaps something bad had really happened to minho and jisung both. he also knew, somewhere deep down, that this mechanism was rather unhealthy and a little obsessive, not that it stopped him in the slightest. 

he wasn’t sure what the end goal was, all he knew was he wanted to reach it. if changbin was the key to that, then felix would just have to keep trying. he waited a few days, unsure of what to say or when to start a conversation. he wasn’t even sure what the plan was if he even had one. 

of course, because hyunjin knew  _ everything  _ about  _ everyone,  _ he knew felix had spoken to changbin after the altercation that morning and was all on his case at lunch. that was, until seungmin pulled him into a conversation about homework and test questions. 

just as the bell rang and felix and his friends hurried out of the cafeteria, the blond’s eye caught something black laying back on the steps in front of the school. now was better than never. he fixed his best and his tie, excusing himself from his friends as he approached the figure who’s face he didn’t even have to see to recognize.

as he got closer, he contemplated what he was going to say. he didn’t have a plan, didn’t have a train of thought and if he managed to get changbin to listen to him, how would he convince him to help? felix was screwed. and so, he went with the first thing that he thought of.

“lee minho.” his voice was a lot less shaky coming out then he had thought it would be. changbin startled, turning to look over his shoulder at the blond that now stood patiently. the cigarette in his hand was almost smoked to the bud.

“the fuck?” he said, smoke pouring out of his mouth. felix almost laughed at the sight of it, but he held his tongue. this was a serious matter, he decided. he had gotten his attention but now the older was staring at felix with a raised eyebrow in search of an explanation. whatever explanation felix could give him.

“my friend,” felix started, “the one who’s missing conveniently at the same time as your friend, his name is lee minho. he wouldn’t leave like this and if i’m guessing, he and jisung are together.” oh how he wanted that to be true.

changbin looked him over, taking a drag from the stick. he turned back towards the front of the school, not bothering to look felix in the eye as he said, “well, you seem to have it all figured out, nancy drew. why the hell are you telling me?”

_ deep breaths _ , felix reminded himself,  _ just be honest and straightforward _ . this was for minho. “as far as i know, you’re jisungs only friend. i need you to help me find him and minho.” 

though he couldn’t see it, the eyeroll was evident in changbin’s scoff. “look,” he said with his voice slightly deeper, “if jisung and minho ran off somewhere, the intent is of that is to not be found. i’m sure your friend is fine.” 

“and if he’s not? he left behind something important to him, something he never would have abandoned.” felix knew his voice was exasperated, desperate even as he held up the small silver band he had found in the pocket of minho's chemistry book. it was a delicate item. 

“and what is that?” changbin was uninterested to say the least.

“his brother gave him this bracelet. it was in his books. he never took this thing off, i’m telling you something is wrong.” the blond dangled the bracelet for emphasis, short  _ clacks  _ filling the silence around them.

changbin took another drag, burning the cigarette down to the bud. his head lolled to the side. “and why should i give a damn?” 

felix paused. why should changbin give a damn? minho was felix’s friend, not changbin’s. if changbin wasn’t worried, if he trusted jisung that much, surely his disappearance didn’t warrant the fuse felix made it out to be. but minhos wasn’t like that. minho wouldn’t leave and if minho didn’t leave, then jisung didn’t either. he spoke these thoughts aloud.

“because if somethings wrong with minho, somethings wrong with jisung.”

changbin flicked the remainder of the cigarette to the side of the steps. he turned from his position on the marble to look felix in the eye. he seemed to be considering, weighing his options, before he nodded. it was so small and so easy to miss, but felix knew exactly what that meant. they were going to find minho and jisung.

+++

“absolutely not.”

“it’s a completely possible theory, we can’t rule anything out.”

“i’m ruling this one out. aliens? you’re out of your fucking mind.” 

changbin was sat in a red beanbag in the middle of the room, an unamused expression on his face as felix stood in front of him. they had gone to felix’s house after school, the latter chasing after changbin before he could even think of running away. he was surprised to see felix had a whole board set up and a clipboard with many theories already scratched out. 

he observed carefully as felix took several things from a small box and using them to pinpoint the theories, ranging from possible, maybe and impossible. his organization skills, changbin thought, were flawless. felix’s room was bland to say the least but it was clean. white walls without a single mark, a white and bright yellow bedspread with yellow pillows, both patterned and unpatterned, a red alarm clock he had only seen in old movies, and a painting of a dove sitting below a white self that was completely covered with trophies. 

the desk in front of felix’s bed was currently being occupied by the board and box felix had brought out when they’d arrived, changbin had pulled the beanbag out from underneath it. he watched silently as felix set the whole thing up, that little grin on his face he had when he concentrated. changbin had never known someone to smile unconsciously like felix did.

felix was not smiling right now, however. the clipboard rested against his left arm, right hand holding a pen positioned to write, and he sported a frown. changbin decided he didn’t like the frown. 

“it would explain the odd behaviors minho was exhibiting before his disappearance.” the younger protested, pushing his lips out a little. changbin rolled his eyes as the blond pouted.

“it would also explain how my foot got wedged up your ass after you kept talking about aliens.” he retorted, fighting to keep the blush off his cheeks as felix stared at him with those big doe eyes.  _ why the fuck does that look make me feel weird?  _

“well what’s your bright idea?” felix turned back to the board, back facing changbin.

“alright, get this. and stay with me, it’s a little crazy but what if,” he leaned forward, facial expression wild even though the other couldn’t see, ”they actually ran away and minho just forgot the little silver bracelet.”

felix gasped at this, body spinning immediately to face him. “he would never.” his face was contorted in a strange manner as he gripped the clipboard. his knuckles turned white around it.

changbin settler back into the beanbag, shrugging. “it’s lot more possible than the aliens.”

a scoff. “it is so not.”

felix went back to working, marking off various theories and writing down new ones. he picked through the small box, pulling out string and thumbtacks of different colors. changbin realized they were being used in a color-coding system that he didn’t understand. he eyed the frame of the boy in front of him as he worked silently.

somewhere in the next few minutes, changbin found himself asking, “why are you so worried anyways? what motivation do you have other than the bracelet and his behavior?”

he saw felix freeze. the younger’s shoulders teased and he carefully sat down the red thumbtack he was holding. he glanced over his shoulder as to not be rude, but didn’t offer anything above that. “minho never mentioned jisung to us. if they ran away together, if they were that close, why didn’t he mention him?” his voice cracked a bit at the end. changbin pretended not to notice. 

the brunet nodded, squeezing his hands together in an awkward manner. “you think jisung forced him to go along?”

felix hesitated again. the idea had clearly passed his mind at some point. “no. but i think it’s deeper than we think.” that was the only answer he offered. usually changbin would leave it there, hell, typically he didn’t let it get  _ that  _ far, but this was about jisung. it was about felix. 

“i’m sure he’s okay.” he didn’t have much experience with consoling another, but he figured a bad attempt was still an attempt, “you may not have heard of jisung before but i’ve heard about minho. jisung talked about him a lot.”

felix perked up quite a bit at the statement, turning to look changbin in the eye. “what did he say?”

changbin almost smiled at the hopefulness in his eyes. he figured all he could do now was tell the truth. “he liked your friend. i don’t think he knew it but he liked him. if they ran off together, which i’m guessing they did, jisung wouldn’t let anything happen to that kid.” changbin smiled fondly remembering all the times jisung would come to him, complaining but also not about the lee kid.

it was damn annoying how obsessive jisung was over it. sure, the boy wrote him a few citations but that was his  _ job  _ and jisung’s job was getting into trouble. there was no reason for all the dramatics jisung was pouring into it, and yet changbin stayed quiet and let him do his thing, because he liked jisung company, dramatic as he was.

felix watched changbins face with a careful eye as he recounted what he knew of minho. he wanted to make absolutely the older wasn’t, as hyunjin would say, bullshitting him. but the smile on the brunets face, the far away and reminiscent look on his face gave felix the answer he’d been looking for and felix was thankful for two reasons; one, that minho was safe if he was with jisung and two, that changbin had tried to comfort him.

“thank you.” he said, voice small.

changbin seemed to snap out of his memories, meeting felix’s eye. he gave a small, noncommittal smile, though a more genuine one played on his lips. “hey, his words not mine.”

felix shook his head. “no, i mean, i know you don’t really care. i know you know jisung can handle himself and all this investigation is over someone you don’t know.” and it was the truth. changbin didn’t have to agree to help him, didn’t have to come over to his house and assist on the search for lee minho because lee minho hadn’t been anything to seo changbin.

changbin shrugged again, he seemed to do it a lot. “i might as well have been minho's friend with all i knew about him. now, back to the theories.” the quick subject change through felix back into the game.

“right. so, aliens—“

“the next theory.”

+++

changbin kept rather interesting company, felix found out. he had agreed to speak to anyone who might’ve had the slightest clue about jisungs departure. this included a tall, silver-haired young man with tattoos snaking up his neck and down his arms and back. felix could see what looked like a stamp on the back of his neck, and felix  _ knew  _ what that was. it wasn’t a gang per se, though they might as well have been. he had begun to feel uneasy in this part.

the man, felix learned he was called chan, hadn’t known anything about jisung’s disappearance, just that he had met the boy he’d been meeting for months at the skatepark and then the next morning, he was gone. it wasn’t easy to track jisung as it was, it would be near impossible to now. this only intrigued felix further, his mind running wild with all the possibilities, the motives. 

felix twisted the bracelet in his pocket, clutching it in his palm. why had minho and jisung run away? he had gone home that night a little dejected, but nonetheless, he got to work immediately. he made phone calls to the local shops, though none had seen the boys that night, and finally he dialed the number of the train station.

the next morning, he got out of bed and got ready quickly, ready to dash to school and inform changbin of the news he had discovered. 

he found him in the hallways first thing, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and closing the metal door. “changbin!” felix shouted, racing toward the older. changbin held out his hand to stop felix from tackling him, a raised eyebrow conveying all his emotions towards it. felix couldn’t help but giggle a little.

“i’ve found something. according to the train station, someone matching jisungs description bought two tickets to seoul at 2 in the morning that night.” he recounted the information with so much excitement he was practically convulsing. 

changbin looked confused for a moment. “that far? i thought they would only make it two towns over at best.”

“yeah, me too. you wanna swing down the station tonight and see if we can find anything else?” the blond was absolutely vibrating in anticipation. changbin whined a little. 

“i would but i have to study tonight. or at least pretend to.”

felix faked a gasp. “you study?”

a chuckle rose from the back of changbins throat at the reaction. “no, but my parents found out i failed a test and they’ll flip their shit if i fail another one.” he explained. 

felix thought for a moment. he really wanted to look into the station tonight and time was money in this situation. “well, i could help.” he said finally. 

changbin seemed surprised. “what?”

“yeah, the faster you learn, the faster we can go investigate.”

there was a beat of silence where changbin just stared at him, eyes narrowed as he tried to read felix. it was no use, the blond was practically unreadable. the smile on his face was genuine, it was encouraging. changbin couldn’t fight the smile that came to his own face when he looked at something so blinding.

he sighed. “okay. meet me at the front of the school at 3 pm.”

felix jumped up and down, clapping and his smile got even bigger. “okay.” he waved goodbye as the bell rang, bouncing off down the halls to avoid being late. changbin stood there for a few more minutes, thinking about the way felix’s eyes crinkled when he smiled. God, he was screwed. 

+++

for the second time in three days, changbin found himself in felix’s room, the younger staring at him with a disapproving look. the window was open, allowing the sound of birds and crickets chirping to flow into the room, mixing with the slight squeak of the ceiling fan. changbin thought felix’s room was strangely warm but it also could’ve been his sweatshirt. 

the blond’s host family obviously had a thing for essential oils, the entire house smelling like a therapy office the second he hit the door. citrises and indistinguishable herbal smells overwhelmed him and gave him a headache. felix’s room was a lot calmer on the smells, a hydrogen lamp lightly coated in lavender burned in the corner. changbin decided he liked lavender.

they were sprawled out on felix’s bed, a textbook and strangely organized notes in front of them. they had been at it since school let out and changbin wasn’t retaining a whole lot. “this is pointless.” he said with a groan, rolling over on his back to stare at the ceiling.

he wasn’t judgmental, obviously, but he couldn’t help but notice the genericness of felix’s bedroom and his life in general. for someone with such a bright and eccentric personality, with so much energy, the environment surrounding him was very  _ bland.  _ changbin didn’t know him very well but it just didn’t seem to fit him at all. 

“it’s math.” felix said with a small chuckle. he was quickly learning that changbins scary and dark image was just that, an image. he was actually quite loud when no one was around, proclaiming “well that doesn’t make sense!” anytime felix explained an operation to him. his constant whining would probably be annoying to anyone else, but felix simply found it assuming.

changbin groaned again. “like i said; pointless.” he saw felix smile and roll onto his back as well, staring up at the same part of the bare ceiling. “come on,” he said, voice slightly teasing, “you have to have picked up on something. just tell me anything you can remember, anything at all.”

it was silent for a minute as changbin muled in thought. he could name three of felix’s smiles he had memorized. the small one he gave to be polite, the encouraging one that made his entire body vibrate in excitement and the biggest one that changbin only saw when he got an equation correct. he liked that one the most honestly. but that was not the answer felix was looking for. 

“i know the exact pattern of this bedspread,” he said in an effort to be funny. felix fixed him with an eyebrow raise and a stern look that did not fit that kids face at all. it was the least intimidating thing changbin had ever seen. even still, he sighed and said, “i think i know midpoint formulas and angles? i don’t know what to plug where though.”

the younger’s eyes lit up, smile #3 quickly spreading across his face and changbin felt a similar one come to his face, spreading like wildfire. he clapped his hands together like an excited child told they could get food on the way home. “okay, we can work with that!”

changbin rolled his eyes, more fond than he could remember being of the boy’s actions. “my brain is literally cooked raw.” both of the boys rolled back over on their stomachs, their arms pressed against each other. felix’s arm immediately felt like it was on fire and he feared his face was going to look like a fire truck any minute now, but changbin didn’t pull away, so felix didn’t either. 

“do you need a break?” he asked, voice calmer than he felt. changbin was quick to answer. “yes.” he closed the book in front of them rather fast and rested his head on his arms. felix took a minute to really look at the boy in front of him. he wasn’t a fool, he knew changbin spent more time studying him than the material, for what reason, he didn’t know.

the rough bad boy image had fit jisung quite well, the snarky attitude and the constant trouble he seemed to get into were just compliments to his overall personality. the image didn’t fit changbin so much. he smiled a lot for someone so intimidating, he was rather short, he pouted when he got something wrong and silently praised himself when he got something right, the earlier points of him being loud and whiny still stood. the only thing that made changbin even associated with jisung was the clothing and the brooding.

felix was no liar, he did find changbin to be  _ extremely _ good-looking, but his heathen reputation had turned felix away very quickly. now, sitting with said heathen’s cheek squished against his bedspread, he couldn’t help but find him to be endearing. changbin was quiet, and he had a sour attitude most of the time, but the more time he was around felix, the more he seemed to open up, cracking jokes and even laughing at some of felix’s.

felix found he rather enjoyed his company. 

a poke to the side had changbins eyes flying open and meeting a rather smiley blond face. he grunted, trying to bury his head in his arms again. felix scoffed, poking him again. “hmm?” he groaned. he heard felix laugh. “did you want to see if we could find anything at the train station tonight?” 

changbin thought for a minute. he  _ was  _ tired. but saying no meant getting back to math or going home and saying yes meant going somewhere other than this room with felix. yes seemed to be his only option. “sure, why not.” he shrugged and got up quickly to tug on his jacket and his boots. 

felix shook his head. changbin was ridiculous, a fool, but felix liked him.  _ God,  _ he was screwed.

+++

the train station was busy as always, people shuffling in and out on their way back from work and what not. a lady was talking rather obnoxiously on the phone, a man was standing way too close for comfort near the tracks, a small boy gripped his mother's hand as they navigated the bustling underground. 

changbin could shove through the crowd easily, people even seemed to unconsciously move out of his way, felix on the other hand wasn’t doing so well at that. he eventually found himself looping two fingers through a hole in changbins backpack to keep up with him.

they reached the ticket booth, pausing briefly to sit on the bench. felix had made sure the same guy who was working that night would be working today, he had called ahead and asked. changbin was more skeptical, even begging the point that this man might not remember minho or jisung. “do you think we’re gonna find anything here?” the older asked. 

felix’s stomach churned. he felt uneasy knowing this could be their only lead. “it doesn’t hurt to try.” 

changbin sensed his nerves and subtly leaned into the blond. he refused to look him in the eye. he heard felix exhale and lean forward to put his head in his hands. it sounded as if the boy could cry at any moment and that was way above the nonexistent pay grade of seo changbin. “why would they go all the way to seoul? it doesn’t make sense.” felix’s voice was hushed.

changbin leaned forward too, still press against the younger. “their disappearance didn’t make sense. neither did their friendship, neither did they.” he stated matter-of-factly. he knew the details of their relationship, the mindless, silent pining from both side and the quick friendship that ended a one-sided rivalry. 

even someone who knew the entire story the way changbin did couldn’t make sense of it. there was no pacing with it, it was fast and then slow. it was all or nothing with those two. 

“i just— what if they don’t want to be found?” felix raised his head, eyes glassy. changbin started back at him, his own eyes swimming with the thought he’d had all along. it was different now. the lengths they went to, the theories and the missing posters, it made it real. jisung wasn’t coming back, neither was minho, and he could live with that, but he couldn’t live without at least  _ trying  _ to chase his best friend.

jisung had been the closest thing changbin had to a friend. sure, he and chan hung out often at the skatepark as he watched and listened to chan try new board tricks. he hadn’t gone there in a while after chan and his fancy rich-boy boyfriend broke up. the former was taking it rough. 

and there was jisung to fill in the gaps of empty time, time that would’ve been wasted without him. there he was with the wild honey-dyed hair and the crooked smile that could mean nothing but trouble. there he was with wild stories and a pack of cigarettes to burn the day away. after everything he had gone through, there he was. 

and there soon after, jisung burned out like a cigarette. 

“that hasn’t stopped you before.” changbin supplies while still lost in thought. he would never admit this out loud, especially not to the boy himself, but he missed him. he missed jisung. he was worried about him. 

he wasn’t worried like felix, his mind didn’t go apeshit on the idea that jisung had gone against his will or was actually missing, he knew jisung had gone on his own, knew he was the one who suggested it to the lee kid. it was a surprise to changbin that a stickler for the rules like minho had agreed, but it was possible minho was more like jisung than he seemed, possible that maybe he was suffocating in this town and jisung had offered him a chance to breathe.

it was fully possible that the lee kid was just as much in love with jisung as changbin suspected jisung to be with him. 

still, when he looked at felix, he didn’t see a sense of serenity, the peace he felt knowing his friend was safe. felix didn’t know that about minho. changbin felt rather bad. 

“they ran away for a reason, right?” the frustration was getting to felix, it was obvious. as ridiculous as he was, anyone could see the boys internal struggle. “you said it yourself,” changbin assured, “this was out of character for minho.” 

felix nodded and swallowed hard. that was true. minho left for a reason. felix’s mind wouldn’t let him rest until he knew the reasons, knew his friend was okay. what he did from there, that was still a blur. 

“impulsively running off, catching trains to cities he doesn’t know, that was jisungs thing. it wasn’t minho’s.” changbin spoke like he really got it, really understood how felix had been thinking. he wasn’t really sure why changbin had agreed to help, why he continued helping. he was so confident that the boys were fine, so secure in the idea, yet here he was at 8:30 in the evening with a frantic felix verging on a mental breakdown.

“i have to find him.” he whispered. he felt a weight on his shoulder, and looked to see changbin flash him a sad smile and remove his hand. it was a simple gesture but from someone like changbin, it meant everything. the older got up and headed for the ticket booth, leaving felix to his thoughts on the bench. 

at some point, felix found himself worrying for jisung as well. that didn’t make any sense at all, he didn’t even know the kid, only knew his name from rumors and small glimpses of him sitting in the dean's office waiting for someone to come get him. it occurred to felix that he had never actually seen jisung go home from the office. he was usually gone by the next period or so, but no one ever came and got him to his knowledge.

jisung was an orphan. a rogue orphan. he was homeless. he hadn’t really sunk in the first time he’d heard it. jisung was alone in the world. leaving town wasn’t a big deal to him because he was already on his own. felix couldn’t begin to imagine being so independent at 16.

changbin came back to the bench, two tickets in his hand as he took his seat beside felix again. he held one out to the younger boy, who took it cautious. “good news, the ticket guy had a short conversation with minho, apparently seoul was the last train leaving that night, they were actually headed to incheon.” 

felix looked at the ticket in his hand. incheon. “minho has an aunt in gimpo! that’s probably where they were going.” the energy returned to his body. they were close, close to finding his best friend. changbin watched as the light came back to the smaller’s eyes. smile #3 lit up his entire face. 

“don't you think his parents would have already called?” 

felix shook his head. “minho’s mother isn’t too close with her sister, of course, it makes sense. she wouldn’t rat minho out. that’s where they are, they’re in incheon.” 

changbin was still quiet, glancing at his ticket in his hand. “you sure you want to do this?” 

felix nodded quickly, practically bouncing in his seat. he squeezed the ticket to his chest and suddenly, the earlier conversation was forgotten. “he’s my best friend, i am going to find him.” 

a question burned at the back of changbin’s throat and he couldn’t help but ask it. “are you sure that’s  _ all  _ you two were?” he stumbled slightly over his words, afraid of how they would come off. afraid felix would catch onto to the feeling in his chest even he didn’t understand.

the others eyes softened, a different smile taking place on his face. “of course it is. what else would it be?” well that was a question changbin wasn’t prepared for, ball was in his court now. he cleared his throat, glancing anywhere but the others face. he tried to shrug, but it was weak.

“you’re just really persistent, that’s all. a part of me wondered if maybe there was something more to the story. something you hadn’t told me.” he dared to meet felix’s piercing gaze again and was surprised to find his expression far-off.

“i’m persistent because he was a soft guy, kind-hearted and super naïve. i don’t mind if he’s gone to live a better life, i don’t mind that he might’ve done so with jisung. i just need to know that’s what happened and not something else. he’s my brother, changbin.” changbins heart leaped into his throat at the soft tone felix used when saying his name.

he nodded, throat dry. he understood, he did. “i’m worried about jisung too, despite everything.” he admitted. god, it felt good to have that off his chest. he was worried for his friend, his brother. 

“you said if anyone could make it he could.” felix cocked his head to the side.

“and that’s true. but he’s still a kid and i fear trouble finds him more often than he finds it.” changbin mumbled, running his hands over the ticket. 

“we’ll find them, and when we see that they’re okay, we can come back home and forget about what we know.” changbins hand was suddenly engulfed in warmth. he stared at their clasped hands, felix's very small thumb rubbing circles on the back his extremely calloused hand. oh god, he could not survive this.

somehow the statement made him a little uneasy. he wanted to find jisung, even wanted to find minho, but he didn’t want this to stop. he realized he didn’t want sitting with felix on a train bench to stop. the feeling in his chest grew, and he found himself subconsciously wrapping his fingers around felix's smaller ones. 

he promised himself, he wouldn't let this end after they found them, no matter what he did, he would not let lee felix be a passing thing in his life. 

+++

the tickets had been bought for saturday, due to changbin declaring that he didn’t want felix to “miss an opportunity to show up the hwang kid.” felix had hugged him for that, both the comment and the consideration. 

saturday had come around quick. almost everyday after school, the boys would go to felix's place, they would study, theorize and often times just start talking about their lives. the guy in the skatepark, chan, had a thing for taking troubled youth under his wing, to felix's astonishment. 

“i don’t have it as rough as jisung did, not at all. my dad left, my mom works all the time, my brother moved on with his life and doesn’t keep in contact. it’s just lonely sometimes. chan saw me hang around the skatepark a lot, but i never really spoke to anyone i watched. i don’t really know how to talk to people. he introduced to some of his friends. then jisung came along and he talked enough so i didn’t have to. it’s silent without him. i don’t like silence as much as i thought i did.”

felix listened intently to everything changbin said. it really hit him in the guts. changbin wasn’t a bad person in the slightest and neither was jisung or chan or anyone else that had bad reputation for simply breathing. they were just lonely, kids from the other side of the train tracks. kids who didn’t have a place, so they made their own. 

he kind of felt that too at times. sometimes he would watch hyunjin and seungmin, and he would feel like the lives they lead were all fake. hyunjins eccentric personality wasn’t meant for chemical engineering like he planned to study. seungmin’s multiple talents weren’t “follow in aarons footsteps” material. they were doing it to please their parents, hiding behind their achievements. god, felix would kill to know what type of people his friends were when they weren’t filtered.

changbin wasn’t filtered. he was the opposite. he said what he thought, even if it was awkward or arrogant. he was compassionate but blunt. felix rather liked that. he wasn’t in the slightest way predictable.

by saturday, their backpacks were stuffed with clothing and snacks, their pockets with bills. they’d left early, felix telling his parents he was going on a small trip and would be back soon. changbin telling his parent nothing of the sort. they were back at the station, in front of the platform with their bags heavy on their shoulders. felix was shaking and fidgeting in anticipation. without a second thought, changbin reached over and laced their fingers together.

he felt the younger relax, squeezing his hand. they stayed like that for a while, even when they boarded the train. the ride to incheon was rather long, felix falling asleep against the window halfway through. he clutched changbins hand like it was lifeline, and changbin wasn’t complaining at all. 

+++

felix awoke with a headache, a sore back and unable to move his right arm. the headache, obviously from laying against the window, had left a giant red spot on the side of felix's forehead and he could feel his pulse through it. his hand was inundated with warmth and he looked down to see changbin cuddled against his bicep, hand gripping his own.

he felt his cheeks heat up, trying to free his hand to no use. changbin only clenched the hand tighter.

the next few minutes passed painfully slow, felix trying and failing to distract himself from the hyperfixation he felt toward the heat surrounding his hand. nothing was working, so felix just sat and took the deepest breaths he could manage. 

eventually, changbin began to stir in his sleep. he grunted, cuddling closer to felix's arm and the younger instinctively giggled. changbins eyes opened, blinking rapidly as his mind processed what was happening. slowly, they slid from felix to where his cheek connected to felix's arm and finally, to where his hand gripped felixs. 

he all but flew away, not letting go of the hand. felix chuckled as he observed wide eyes and flushed cheeks. was changbin blushing? seo changbin was blushing at falling asleep on someone. seo changbin was, currently, a flustered mess.

to save them both the embarrassment of the conversation ahead, felix said, “we’re about 6 minutes out of incheon.” he said softly, watching as changbin rubbed at his swollen cheeks. the older groaned. “why didn’t you wake me up?”

felix didn’t want to say he sort of wanted to hold changbins hand a little longer (he still was). “you looked too cute.” was what came out. it was the truth, he supposed, but definitely not what he wanted to say. changbins cheeks reddened again. “whatever, let’s just focus on what we’re gonna do.” 

felix nodded, regretfully pulling away from changbin to reach into his bag for the map. red dots and arrows covered it from top to bottom. “we switch trains at the next station and head to gimpo. i found his aunt and we’ll go there first to see if they’re there.” 

changbin nodded, glancing at the map. “and if they aren’t?” he saw felix hesitate.

“then we keep looking.” 

the two boys rode in silence for the rest of the time, changbin blinking sleepily and felix studying the map. there were so many routes leading out of gwangju. the train station was slightly bigger than the one they had boarded at and felix found himself looping his fingers through changbins backpack again. changbin seemed to notice this time, and he smiled shyly, reaching back and taking felix’s hand to pull him along.

the younger was getting used to the feeling of the others hand in his. they navigated through the station with ease now, and soon enough they were on the train to gimpo, felix twitching nervously. “hey,” changbin got his attention, “it’s alright. they’re okay. they can’t have gone all that far.”

felix nodded and squeezed his hand. “you don’t think jisung would’ve put as much distance between him and gwangju?” he asked shakily. changbin chuckled and shook his head, watchful eyes trained on the blond. “jisung would’ve. minho wouldn’t have. so they haven’t.”

“you know a lot about minho for someone who never spoke to him.”

“jisung rambled about your friend so much, i was practically his roommate.”

“you knew, didn’t you?” felix asked suddenly, turning to face changbin in the seat. changbins eyebrows knit together as he watched the younger lean forward. “hmm?”

felix’s expression mimicked his. his lip caught between his teeth and he gnawed at it, lost in thought before he spoke again. “when i said jisung was missing, when i said he didn’t go alone, you knew he had gone with minho, didn’t you?”

changbin hesitated. his eyes flickered between felix’s face and the bathroom at the end of the train. he took a deep breath before answering, “when you said he had someone with him, i put it together. jisung stayed in this town for minho, he wouldn’t have left it without him.” 

felix smiled. the way changbin spoke, han jisung really cared for his best friend. obviously, minho cared for jisung too, he wouldn’t run away with someone he didn’t feel was special. they meant a lot to each other and that’s why they risked it all for one another. 

felix wanted to be mad. he wanted to be absolutely livid at his best friend for scaring everyone like that, but he couldn’t find it in himself. minho was suffocating, dying in the town he was stuck in. he saw an out and he took it and felix wouldn’t have expected less from minho. 

arrival at gimpo only fueled both the boys nerves. they exited, hands searching the familiar weight they had grown accustomed to in the last several hours. it was afternoon by now and the crowd was lively as faves passed so quickly their features were unclear. changbin lead them to a taxi, where felix gave the driver the address and sat in the backseat, bouncing his leg.

they pulled up to a two-story house, painted baby blue with white shutters. both boys inhaled sharply at the scene. their best friends could be behind that door. changbin snuck a glance at felix, and caught him looking like a deer in headlights. 

the younger was rooted to the spot, knuckles turned white and his grip like iron. his eyes were focused on the window at the top, curtains blowing softly. “you ready?” he whispered. felix swallowed thickly. a shiver ran down his spine before he nodded, turning to look at the boy beside him.

neither of them were prepared for the answer behind the door, but both had come, and both were desperate. they slowly approached the white door with their hands clasped together. three knocks and the door was swinging wide open, a short woman with her black hair pinned up standing in front of them. she fixed the pair with a cocked eyebrow.

felix's sharp inhale had changbin clasping his hand tighter. “hello,” the blond breathed, sounding like he had just ran a marathon instead of standing on the corner, “my name is lee felix and this is my friend, changbin, i’m a friend of minho’s and i was wondering if you might know where he is.”

the older lady stared at them for a moment before quickly trying to shut the door, changbins foot caught the door and stopped her in her tracks. she glared at him, trying to force it through his foot. felix places his hand on the door, gently as possible. “please. we just want to make sure he and jisung are okay. we plan to go home and never speak about it again once we know for sure.”

minho’s aunt surveyed them both carefully, she kept both hands on either side of the door in case changbins foot moved, though they all knew it wouldn’t. she sighed, looking back at the taxi waiting on them and the bags under changbins eyes. “bucheon. that’s all i can give you, take it or leave it. go to bucheon, you can find what you’re searching for there.” 

with one swift motion, she kicked changbins foot out of the door and slammed it in their faces. they both stood silently and unmoving for a second, staring at the door in shock.

“so,” changbin said after a moment, “bucheon?”

“bucheon.”

+++

felix couldn’t sit still. 

changbin paid the taxi driver extra to take them back towards bucheon. without any solid direction, they were following a blind path, however, even without their sight, they trod it carefully and excitedly. the blond vibrated in the seat next to him, a once scared felix turned feverish. 

the brunette held the younger’s hand, rubbing smooth circles on the back of his hand as he gripped it with all the light his body could hold. the ride was short and soon they were on the side of the curb, unloading their duffle bags and standing hand-in-hand at the corner. 

“what’s the plan?” changbin asked as the driver pulled away. he watched as felix’s eyes drifted from building to building. “we start asking people. i have a picture of both of them. i cut them from the missing posters.” 

changbin furrowed his eyebrows as felix reached into his bag and supplied two messily cut-out photos. they would do, he supposed. before he could open his mouth to confirm his acceptance, felix had bolted into the store in front of them, holding up the two pictures at the manager. 

they traveled down the street, stopping in every business or hotel they came across. they hadn’t had any luck yet, every manager or employee they came across simply shaking their heads at the question “have you seen either of these boys?”

they reached a convenience store a few blocks down, the sun setting over the mountains in the distance. changbin held the door for a still very enthusiastic felix as the blond plopped the photos down on the front counter. “have you seen either of these boys?”

the man behind the counter was older, he shuffled when he walked and he wore reading glasses as he studied the photos. he pointed at jisungs picture. “not this young man exactly, i don’t think so, but there is a young man who looks eerily similar. he lives above a block up. nice young man, comes in here every week.” 

felixs eyes got wide and he spun around to face changbin, who was waiting patiently behind him with a similar expression. “does jisung have any relatives?” he asked quickly. changbin could tell he was resting on the edge of shouting in joy. changbin shrugged, eyes equally as wide. “i don’t know, he never mentioned family.” 

the man behind the counter raised an eyebrow. “is there a reason you’re looking for these two boys?” he asked, wry. felix pivoted again, facing the man again. “they’re missing, sir.” he said. the man looked shocked for a second. 

“isn’t that the police’s job to track them?” 

felix froze temporarily. they did  _ not  _ need the police down here looking for minho and jisung. changbin stepped up, flashing a golden badge from his wallet. “official police business, sir. we’d appreciate if you didn’t mention this to anyone. can you give us the address of the apartment building?”

the man nodded, scribbling an address on some receipt paper. felix gave changbin a look as he took it, thanking the man quickly and holding the door for felix again. 

“why do you have a police badge?”

“it’s fake. i used it a lot to find out things i didn’t really need to know back in the day.” changbin’s voice was proud, like he couldn’t believe he had gotten away with it. felix scoffed, peaking over the older shoulder to look at the note. 

the two walked up the block, spotting the apartment building as they neared. felix went back to jumping up and down to shake his nerves. changbin on the other hand, was struggling to not throw up. his best friend could be there. 

he didn’t have much time to overthink, before felix was snatching him by the wrist and dragging him into the building. the receptionist was a young woman, chewing her gum rather loudly. “excuse me ma’am,” felix said politely, “have you seen either of these boys? or someone that looks like the blond one?”

the woman studied the pictures. she picked up the phone, meeting changbins eye briefly. “younghyun? you have visitors down in the lobby. yes. yes, sir.” she hung up the phone before gesturing toward the elevator. “mr. kang said to knock on his door. apartment number 3H.”

the two boys poured into the elevator, waiting until the door closed to start shaking their hands and feet in an attempt to calm themselves. this is it. this could be it. the elevator dinged and opened, and the two tenderly stepped out.

the hallway was dimly lit and was lined with red wallpaper made of velvet. the doors were all white with gold letters nailed to the tops. they walked the hallway slowly, searching for 3H. felix found it first, pointing and jumping up and down when he spotted it.

changbin chuckled, allowing himself to be lead until they were standing in front of the chipped white door. felix halted, fist raised in the air. he was nervous. he was scared another thing like incheon would happen. changbin could tell. he reached over and knocked loudly before felix could have a full mental breakdown.

this snapped felix out of his trance when the door swung open, a boy who did in fact look frighteningly like jisung stood in front of them, leaning on the door frame. “can i help you?” 

both boys blinked. once. twice. the boy smirked and raised an eyebrow as he looked at them expectedly. “younghyun?” felix choked out. the boy nodded. 

felix opened his mouth to finish his statement, before a voice rang out from behind younghyun. “who’s at the door, brian.” changbin knew that voice. he would know that voice anywhere. that same voice ranged in his ear and screamed in agony when it ran away. han jisung appeared behind younghyun. 

he looked different. greasy blond hair was clean and parted to the left side, it was a dark brown too. when he met changbins eye, he smiled. his two crooked front teeth were currently being lined up with invisaligns. his dark eyes were still full of wonder and trouble, but changbin only saw the eyes of his best friend. 

“what did i tell you?” jisung whispered not-so-subtly to younghyun. he ducked under the boy’s arm and straight into changbins arms, hugging the other tight. felix could almost tear up at the sight. he did start tearing up, until another voice cut in. 

“jisung? what’s happening?” and felix lost his shit. he ran past younghyun, knocking him into the door a little as he flung his arms around minho’s neck. he heard minho chuckle in his ear as he wrapped his arms around his back. he could feel hot tears running

down his neck. 

felix pulled back, tear-stained cheeks turning into a smile as he flicked minho’s hair. “blue looks good on you.” he laughed at the older’s drastic change. minho shook his head, running a hand through the dark blue hair. “it was jisungs idea.” he nodded toward the brunet.

jisung turned around at the mention of his name, flashing minho and felix a smile as he only half-listened to changbin scold him. it had only been a week or two, nothing more, but both boys looked majorly different.

minho’s soft features once framed with soft brown locks and a sweetheart smile were now framed by messy blue bangs and sparkly eyeshadow spread around his eyelids. he looked sharper, older. his light blue sweater vest had been replaced with a loose black t-shirt tucked into white jeans. 

jisungs harsh style was completely transformed. orange blond was now brown and slicked back, the leather jacket and cigarettes were substituted with a red t-shirt and black spenders. instead of a cigarette in his right hand, it was a lollipop. he looked older too, more mature. 

“why?” changbin whispered quietly, tugging a little at jisungs right spender. jisung and minho made eye contact and seemed to be communicating through expressions. “why don’t you have a seat.” minho said finally.

+++

younghyun had gone to his room to begin working on an assignment. minho and jisung sat on one side of the same coffee table, hands clasped under the wood. felix and changbin mimicked then on the other side, both staring down at the messily nailed screws. 

“to be straight-forward,” jisung started, “i’m just gonna be honest with you. i hated that town. i hated not having somewhere to go, i hated the dean, i hated the kids. my only friends were minho, changbin and chan. it was suffocating, i’ve been meaning to leave for a long time.” 

minho nodded along, leaning into jisung a little when he said his name. felix found it kind of endearing. minho cleared his throat when he felt felix's eyes on him. “i don’t really have a solid reason,” minho whispered, “i’m just— i’m so tired of people telling me what to think and how to act. i was constantly pretending and it just reached a point where i couldn’t do it anymore.”

felix nodded at minho’s explanation. it wasn’t specific as he would have liked, but it was more than he had expected to find. changbin hadn’t said a word, just watching as minho and jisung leaned into each other on the other side of the table. he seemed to be in deep thought.

“are you happy?” he asked after yet another beat of silence.

minho and jisung both looked at each other, breaking into shy smiles when the caught the other looking back. minho gave a verbal “yes” while jisung simply nodded. changbin watched the two for a second longer, and then, he smiled. “that’s all i was looking for.”

both the boys smiled even wider, even shyer if possible, before minho flopped his arm on the table. “wanna see something?” he asked both the boy in front of them. felix and changbin made brief eye contact before both nodding and minho extended his arm across the pine, displaying the inside of his arm and a small constellation on the inside of his elbow. “it’s scorpio.” he said with a proud smile.

jisung displayed his as well, in the same spot. “virgo.” he informed as they studied the tattoos. there was redness around both of them, no doubt properly done recently. minho shook his head and he pulled his sleeve down again, and felix caught a glimpse of something else. earrings. minho had earrings. 

jisung glanced around for a second, the silence engulfing the four of them for a few moments. “the night we left,” he began, “it was sudden. we were just hanging out in the park and i threw the idea out there and then we just decided to go. there were no more trains running that night except to seoul, so that’s where we went. we went to incheon next because we were really just wandering aimlessly. we got tired and minho called his aunt in gimpo. after he explained the situation, she agreed to let us stay for a night or two. 

“she was so worried about us, she made us promise to find somewhere safe. I remembered i had a cousin, a distant one on my dad’s side. i didn’t really know him but i knew he lived in bucheon somewhere. i just looked him up and found his workplace and we set off the next day. younghyun agreed to help us, he has the entire apartment to himself anyways. we got the tattoos that night, and minho’s piercings. we’ve been here for a little over a week.” 

changbin and felix both sat in silence, nodding along. luckily, felix had calmed down a lot when jisung started talking and was now squeezing changbins hand softly. something had changed about both boys, not just their appearances. jisung spoke like a man, his voice was level and even if he was still loud and  _ very  _ jisung, there was an air surrounding him, an air that gave felix a sense of peace about minho being with  _ him.  _

minho was completely different too. he was smiling now, a lot more than felix had ever seen him. changbin had never seen him smile. he was giggly too, leaning into jisung everytime he got shy, laughing loudly when someone made a joke. he talked a lot too, surprisingly. he revealed little details about their journey that jisung had left out; the lady at the tattoo parlor asking to see their IDs and jisung putting on the  _ best  _ excuse for not having his; waking up in the middle of the night to younghyun playing the kazoo; finding out through younghyun’s pictures that jisung was a cheerleader when he was 9.

he told everything with voice unfiltered by opinion. somewhere in the middle of recounting younghyun’s eye of the tiger kazoo performance, it really hit felix that the two boys he saw in front of him weren’t the people he knew back in gwangju. they had changed as to not be recognized and that change made them free. felix wondered if this is who they were all along.

when he looked to his right at changbin, he couldn’t help but wonder the same thing. was changbin being who he really was? felix wasn’t concerned changbin had been lying to him or anything, but after seeing the freedom changing had brought jisung and minho, he found that he would like to see who changbin really was under the flat looks and scuffed boots.

“oh!” changbin exclaimed loudly, “minho, felix has something for you.” minho gave felix a look that asked so much more than felix could answer. he reached in his pocket and felt the cold silver resting against his hand. he almost felt tears in his eyes. carefully lifting it up out of his pocket, he was met with sad eyes as he held it up. “you left this behind.” 

minho’s eyes widened and he scrambled across the table to grab the bracelet. “i thought i had lost it. i freaked out for an hour that night before we left because i couldn’t find it.” he clasped the silver around his wrist that was holding jisungs hand. 

“what is it?” jisung asked and peered over to see the silver loosely sitting on his hand. minho smiled. “it’s my favorite item i have. felix gave this to me when he moved here, said he needed me to keep it safe for him.” 

changbin turned to felix, bewildered. “i thought you said his brother gave him that.” minho spoke up before felix could. “he did. this bracelet was a gift from felix, a gift from my brother.” 

they all four smiled at that. there was a calm and comfortable silence, everyone just looking at each other. they were happy, they were okay. after a few minutes of sitting there, jisung asked a question. “so, how’s seungmin?” 

before changbin could answer, felix was already wide-eyed and talking. “you know seungmin? do you know  _ all  _ my friends? who are you?” they all laughed at the exclamation, minho especially. he waved it off for just a second to allow jisung to get his answer. “seungmin’s fine. last time chan and i talked, he hinted that seungmin was taking the  _ thing  _ out finally.”

jisung nodded, lost in thought. “he doesn’t want to join, does he?” 

“nope. too risky. chan said it’s okay, he wasn’t mad. he would’ve liked to have seungmin though, but that kid might be meant for more than what we could offer him.” changbin shrugged. 

“are you in it again?” 

“no. i’ve decided to let chan do it on his own like he wanted. me and you, we aren’t cut out for that kind of business, chan is and he’s the only reason they’re so big right now.” 

the conversation was completely a twisted maze to felix's ears, but when he looked over at minho, he was surprised to find his best friend nodding and smiling with his cheek rested against jisungs shoulder. “to answer your question,” changbin turned to felix, “yes we do know seungmin. we don’t know the hwang kid but chan does.” 

felix was baffled. how in the world did seungmin and hyunjin know chan? “next thing you’re gonna say is aaron knew him too.” he scoffed. jisung and changbin shared a look across the table and felix almost flipped it. “are you kidding me?! aaron knew chan too?” 

“not knew chan. he knows chan.” jisung corrected calmly. felix's brain was haywire. “how?” 

minho chuckled and sat up, looking at his best friend with amusement. “there’s a lot you don’t know about our friends. jisung and i aren’t the first to pull a stunt like this. that’s a conversation for another time though.”

felix was still confused, but he nodded, he would just have to yell at the others later. 

younghyun came out of his room, a sweatshirt with a 6 painted in neon spray paint covering his body. “i’m heading out, don’t destroy my house and try to remember to eat before 9 pm.” he grabbed a baseball cap and slammed the door. changbin shot jisung a look that felix caught and jisung looked sheepish. “i didn’t know.” he whispered. everyone heard. 

rather than open room for more vague conversation, minho stood up quickly, loudly announcing that he was ordering pizza and changbin and felix were welcome to stay the night and head back in the morning. 

changbin agreed immediately, felix shot a message to his host mother before getting an okay. the rest of the night was hot chocolate and popcorn, with three of the boys falling asleep on the couch halfway through the princess and the frog. 

felix awoke to snoring in his ear and looked over to see changbin laying on his shoulder, minho curled up on his left with his head buried in a pillow. jisung was missing from the scene. it was late, felix half wondered if younghyun was back yet. 

he stood up carefully, placing changbin down on the couch next to minho as he shuffled into the kitchen. jisung was there, putting cups and plates in the sink quietly. “oh shit,” he said when he saw felix standing there, “did i wake you?”

felix laughed, shaking his head with a soft smile. jisung nervously smiled back, continuing to place kitchenware in the sink.  _ this  _ silence wasn’t comfortable at all. felix couldn’t take the ringing in his ears any longer. “he’s happy.” he said finally.

jisungs head snapped up, almost dropping a glass in the process. “i know you probably don’t need to be told, but he’s happy. i can see it in his eyes. i don’t think i’ve ever seen my best friend smile that wide.”

jisungs eyes floated behind felix, landing on the a sleeping minho. he smiled unconsciously. “i don’t want him to regret it.” jisungs voice was small, unusual for someone as boisterous as jisung. “it was kind of impulsive, you know? i know him but i don’t at the same time.” 

felix silently agreed. he knew how that felt. “you know jisung, if it was me or seungmin or anyone else, minho wouldn’t have gone.” 

the blond was beginning to notice that jisungs cheeks puffed out when he was confused, he cocked his head a lot too, like a dog. 

“are you saying he only agreed because…” jisung trailed off, slightly embarrassed to say it out loud. felix, the little shit that he was, found that rather funny. “he only went because it was you who asked.”

jisung blushed and turned away, but not before the other caught a glimpse of his overwhelming smile. “are you two dating?” he asked while jisung had his back turned. he saw the brunet freeze. a beat passed.

“i don’t know.” jisung responded with a sigh.

“you don’t know?”

“there’s something there for sure, but we are always going at a different pace. always different wavelengths, you know what i mean?” 

felix knew exactly what he meant. he found himself relating to jisung a lot. “well if the ring on his finger says anything, i would say he feels the same.” jisungs body went rigid at felixs words, spinning around quickly and checking his own finger.

“you saw them?” his voice was back to being way too loud. felix giggled while shushing the boy. “they’re just rings i swear.” jisung practically shouted and felix had to lean forward and clamp his mouth shut. 

jisung batted his hand away with an annoyed expression and they chuckled. “what about you and bin?” he threw the question back in the blond’s face. felix blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “can i be honest?” he asked and jisung nodded.

“i like him, i do, but i’m kinda scared that he’s not going to be interested in me once we go back home. we only became friends in the first place because we were trying to find you two.” 

jisung was silent for a minute, staring at felix with a bewildered expression. “you’re an idiot.” was what he apparently settled on. “changbin didn’t come for

  1. i called him a few days ago and told him we were safe.”



it was felixs turn to be bewildered. “wait, he knew?” 

“not where we were. i called from a payphone and told him we were fine. he yelled at me for 10 minutes about kicking my ass and then i told him i knew he was gonna look for me and to not trouble himself. guess he didn’t listen.” jisung glanced at his friend sleeping soundly on the couch and shook his head out of fondness. 

“why would he come with me if you knew for a fact that you were fine?” felix inquired. the brunet shook his head, placing a hand on felixs shoulder. “i think you can figure that out for yourself.”

before felix could get another word in, jisung was waking up minho and practically carrying the poor boy to bed. felix sighed and laid down on the couch where minho had been, watching as jisung dragged the blue haired boy down the hall, whispering quietly to him. 

changbin must have sensed the change in weight on the couch and was now staring up at felix with cloudy eyes. felix shifted closer on instinct. “i didn’t mean to wake you up.” he whispered. changbin grunted, shrugging and curling up under felixs arm. felix was trying so hard to breathe properly right now.

“your voice is really deep.” changbin said randomly. it pulled a shaky laugh out of felix. changbin was staring at him, dark brown eyes swimming under the soft glow. “is that so?” felix whispered back. changbin nodded. “yeah, it doesn’t match your face at all.”

changbin shifted so felix was lying on his back and he was tucked under his left arm. he was awake, but not fully functioning. “jisung said he called you. you knew he was okay.”

changbin shifted again, this time to gaze up at felix again. “don’t be mad.” he said in a small voice. felix smiled, not used to seeing the usually intimidating-looking boy act so cuddly. “i just want to know why you came along if you knew.”

changbin closed his eyes and rested his cheek against felixs chest. felix thought he had fallen asleep until changbin replied, “i was scared you would stop talking to me if i told you.” 

felixs one functioning braincell was kicking into overdrive to keep him calm. how could he just say that? what did that even mean? “why would i stop talking to you?” felix questioned. 

he felt more than heard changbin inhale deeply. “we only hung out because of minho and jisung.” the older mumbled, burying his face deeper into felix's chest. his heart leaped. 

“we  _ met  _ because of minho and jisung. i didn’t keep you around because of them.” felix was quick to respond. he could feel changbins anticipation and began rubbing small circles on his back. the older released a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. 

“why did you keep me around then?” 

felix was fully aware that is not a question seo changbin would ask if he was completely conscious, however sleepily unconscious changbin had asked it, and now felix was left without an answer other than the truth. he figured it was all or nothing. 

“i like your company. i like that you act tough but are really smiley and laugh at weird jokes. i like that you’re short but could probably chokeslam me into the floor and i would absolutely deserve it. i like when you get frustrated with something and you just whine excessively. i like you.” 

he told the whole truth in that moment, unsure of the consequences, not really caring about them in the first place. consequences be damned, he had to let his feelings be known. lee felix had to learn to take risks and learn from them, he had to learn what minho had learned when he left gwangju. 

changbin raised his head slowly, making eye contact with felix. a part of him wanted to get up and lock himself in the bathroom for the rest of the night, but he was learning to face the things he feared. this was the first step. 

it was silent for a while, the two of them just staring at each other for any sort of sign that might tip the scale. truthfully, they had been toeing the edge of the scale for a while now. changbin was never good with words. he was awkward and loud and didn’t know how to talk to people he didn’t already know. he was self-aware and was afraid of looking weird.

he was much better with actions. words meant nothing if actions didn’t go along with them. so, he did what he knew best. he acted on his thoughts. 

propping himself up on one elbow, he leaned forward until he was an inch from the others face. up close, he could see felix's freckles, the big doe eyes and the blush on his cheeks hidden by the dim light. he stayed there for a second, giving the other time to back out if he wanted. he was not prepared for felix to lean forward, closing the distance between them himself.

a sigh rippled through changbins body and all he could think was: fucking  _ finally.  _ it was slow, neither of them moving for a minute before changbin started to kiss him back, his hand coming up to rest on felix’s jaw. 

felix was inexperienced, scared of doing something wrong. changbin hadn’t really considered how sheltered felix had been and had begun to pull away, but a hand on his bicep stopped him and pulled him closer. when they finally pulled away for air, felix was smiling. he laughed quietly, letting his head fall against the pillow.

they stared at each other for another moment as the smile faded from felix’s face and left a fond expression on the younger’s face. he leaned forward and kissed changbin again. they both grinned at each other, neither having to speak to know. changbin tucked himself back under felix's arm and laid his head on his chest and they both drifted to sleep. 

+++

the sound of the front door shutting woke the two boys the next morning. it was roughly 8:30 in the morning, and felix lifted his head to see younghyun ripping off a mask and his sweatshirt with 6 on it. he tossed both aside quickly and ran to his room, not even glancing at felix and changbin. 

when he lowered his head, he got changbin staring up at him with a grin on his face. felix smiled back, not even trying to hide his feelings anymore. “good morning.” he said as he watched dark brown pools sparkle in the sunlight. “good morning.” changbin replied happily, sitting up and stretching. felix swung his legs over the side of the couch and mimicked the brunet.

a door opened behind them, minho walking out of one of the rooms, his blue hair messy and oversized t-shirt reaching last his thighs. the ring glinted on his finger and felix smirked remembering the conversation last night. “oh shit, i forgot you guys were still here.” minho said when he noticed the two on the couch.

felix was surprised, but he laughed. he had never heard minho swear, he assumed the boy had picked it up from jisung. that was kind of cute. he rubbed his eyes and drifted into the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets for cups. jisung came out a second later, emerging from the same room minho had.

this did not go unnoticed by the others. they shared a look before changbin mouthed, “they sleep in the same bed?” felix simply grinned and gave the boys the side-eye but said nothing.

two cups of coffee were set in front of the boys, changbins black and felix's full of cream and sugar. it was oddly fitting. they sat around the same busted coffee table, laughing and reminiscing. at some point in the conversation, felix looked across at minho. 

his best friend was different, free. it hadn’t fully processed yet that he never really knew someone so dear to him. he didn’t really know seungmin or hyunjin either. the only person he could really, truly say he knew at this point was himself. and for some reason, that didn’t bother him as much as it should have.

+++

they left an hour later, taking a quick shower and brushing their teeth. changbin and felix piled in the cab, hugging their friends one last time. 

“wherever you go, wherever you end up, i’ll be with you. always.” minho whispered in felix's ear as he pulled away. felix squeezed his best friend tighter. as the cab sped down the highway back to the train station, felix’s hand in changbins, he took a second to reflect. it was crazy, it was dangerous but everything was. everything was a risk in this world. 

the train station came into view, their tickets in their hands as their breath formed clouds in front of them. the two walked in silence as they approached the train until felix felt a tug at his hand. he turned, facing changbin who was staring at the ground.

“what if we didn’t.” he said, voice quiet like he was telling a secret. felix fixed him with a confused look. 

“what do you mean?” he asked, hand squeezing the others. 

“what if we didn’t go back. they could help us, you know they would. we’re free right now, don’t you love that feeling?”

felix felt his heart clench. the thought had crossed his mind, and he wanted to. god, after seeing how happy minho and jisung were, he wanted more than anything to feel  _ that  _ happy. but the truth caught up to him quickly. he was here on foreign exchange. if he went missing, it would be even bigger than minho and jisung. he couldn’t.

“i cant. im not a citizen. i’ll be thrown out.” he whispered quietly. changbin seemed to have forgotten about that. his eyes saddened for a second and he bit his lip. 

“I can't go back. my folks won’t look for me. I can't live like that anymore, I can't do it.” changbin whispered. 

neither knew what to do, but the harsh reality was setting in for both of them. only one of them was getting on that train home. felix leaned forward and pressed a short kiss to changbins lips. changbin kisses back immediately. 

“wait for me. i’ll find a way, just give me a month.” he whispered against the older’s lips. changbin searched his eyes for a solid minute, clutching the blinds hand like a lifeline. the intercom announced the train was about to depart. his heart was racing at the thought of letting go of the others hand. 

“come back here in exactly one month. i’ll be here, i promise.” felix whispered frantically. changbins heart clenched but he nodded and pulled the other into a hug. they stood like that for another long minute, before felix pulled away, tears staining his cheeks. 

changbin read the others thoughts quicker than he could speak them. “i’ll be here too. i will  _ not  _ let you be a passing phase to me.” he whispered and kissed the younger again.

felix grasped his cheeks and they stood with their foreheads pressed together for as long as they had left. the sound of the train about to pull off had felix quickly kissing changbin again, for the last time and running for the doors. changbin stood there, frozen. he watched felix duck in as the doors closed. he watched the train pull away and then he was alone

he inhaled deeply. one month. he could wait one month for the love of his life. he promised himself, he promised  _ felix _ . lee felix would not,  _ could not,  _ be a passing phase in his life. and if he had to let go of everything he knew to keep a hold of felix's hand, that was what he was prepared to do. 

**Author's Note:**

> And that’s that. Okay next installment will be up soon. Love you all.


End file.
